Dr. Gabor Mate & Jordan Peterson: Before you forgive, allow yourself to feel the full anger that's in you
The Blindspot of Premature Forgiveness: Why Honesty Must Come First
''Before you forgive, allow yourself to feel the full anger that's in you'' - Dr Gabor Mate & Jordan Peterson
Their words cut through the noise. It’s a reminder that real healing isn’t about bypassing emotions but facing them fully. Forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, isn’t something we grant ourselves out of obligation. It’s the natural result of deep self-acceptance. And self-acceptance? That begins with self-honesty.
HALT: The Foundation of Integration
HALT—Honesty, Acceptance, Loyalty, Trust—isn’t just a Pause; it’s the initiating sequence of The Resiliency Code.
You cannot accept what you refuse to see.
You cannot be loyal to a self you don’t fully acknowledge.
You cannot trust yourself if your foundation is built on avoidance.
Honesty comes first because it forces us to witness our raw, unfiltered truth. The anger, the hurt, the shame—these aren’t obstacles to healing; they are the path. When we suppress them, we create blindspots. These blindspots become fractures in our self-awareness, making integration impossible.
The Blindspot of Self-Deception
Dishonesty with ourselves isn’t always loud. It’s subtle. It looks like telling ourselves “I’m over it” when we’re not. Like forcing ourselves to forgive before we’ve acknowledged the depth of the wound. Like numbing discomfort instead of sitting with it.
When we avoid the full experience of our emotions, we don’t actually avoid them, we just relocate them. They settle into our bodies, our patterns, our relationships. Unfelt anger becomes resentment. Suppressed grief turns into apathy. When we refuse to integrate our experiences, we stay stuck, reliving the same emotional loops under different circumstances.
Self-Forgiveness as a Byproduct of Self-Acceptance
Forgiveness isn’t something we force, it’s something that emerges when we’ve done the inner work, and that work begins with Self-Honesty. When we stop resisting our emotions and allow ourselves to fully feel them, we naturally move toward integration.
This is why self-forgiveness is a characteristic of self-acceptance, not a separate act. When we accept ourselves - flaws, wounds, and all—we no longer need to grant ourselves forgiveness. It becomes unnecessary. There is nothing to “pardon” when we have embraced every part of ourselves as valid and worthy.
A Call to Radical Self-Honesty
So, where have you been less than honest with yourself? Where have you rushed past anger, pain, or grief in an attempt to move on? The truth is, you can’t integrate what you refuse to see.
Without integration, there is no measurable growth. Only repetition.
HALT is the key to breaking the cycle. Be honest. Accept what is. Stay loyal to your unfolding. Trust that every emotion has a purpose. The moment you stop running from yourself, you’ll realize you were never lost to begin with.
Crack Your Code.
Become Resilient.